Marriage with ADHD Children
When it involves ADHD, psychologist William Pelham is one of the most prolific researchers around. Pelham and his colleague Dr. Brain Wymbs published a longitudinally study (Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. Vol 76(5), Oct 2008, 735-744.) that tracked 282 families with and 206 without ADHD children. They found that couples who have a child diagnosed as ADHD are almost twice as likely to divorce or become estranged compared to couples without an ADHD child. A simple dynamic is causal: ADHD children can be stressful for parents thus magnifying conflicts between spouses. ADHD children also have oppositional behaviors which increase stress at home.
“We have known for a long time that kids can be stressful for their parents. What we show is they can be really stressful and can lead to marital dissatisfaction and divorce,” said Pelham, who works at the State University of New York at Buffalo. “What it means is ADHD should not be treated without involving the parents in the treatment.”
The researchers found that parents with ADHD children tended to reach the point of divorce or separation faster than their peers.
Parents of ADHD children are distinctly aware that battles over homework, chores, discipline are key stressors that provide further conflict between spouses. It is understandable that 22.7 percent for parents of kids with ADHD were divorced by the time the children were 8 years old as opposed to only 12.6 percent of the parents of non-ADHD children.
“Parents of children with ADHD report less marital satisfaction, fight more often, and use fewer positive and more negative verbalizations during child-rearing discussions than do parents of children without ADHD especially if the child also has conduct or oppositional problems,” Pelham and Wymbs noted in their paper.
The researchers discovered that regardless of whether parents had manageable or difficult children, if parents had an ADHD child they were three times as likely to be negative toward each other as parents who did not. Stress was up and patience was thin.
Does medicine help? Medicines can alleviate ADHD symptoms, however the researchers found that most meds were given in the daytime to improve school performance and wore off by evening when the children were to do homework and chores.
The Brits have taken the polar opposite approach to children with ADHD. I find it highly logical and practical: except in extreme cases, they advise parents to learn new parenting strategies to change and cope with their ADHD child. This may well curb the incredible divorce rate among ADHD parents as well as greatly improve their child’s future.
